“The husband must fulfill his duty to his wife, and likewise also the wife to her husband”.   1 Corinthians 7:3

Listening to some “religious” minded men, it sounds like this is a scripture they like to assert only from their self-interest.  The other much abused scripture is how the wife must be subject to her husband.  Well men, we need to look at the whole verse, in both situations.  Your wife has sexual needs that are to be fulfilled.  We are to love our wives as Christ loves the church, is your love to your wife of that nature?  If it were, I believe the wife’s attitude would be one of loving agreement, rather than becoming rightfully offended.  I raise my hand, if asked if anyone every violated these commands.

“Some people think the Bible has nothing good to say about sex, as though all God seems concerned about is telling us when not to do it and who not to do it with.  In reality, however, the Bible has a great deal to say about sex and the blessing it can be for both husband and wife.  Even its boundaries and restrictions are God’s ways of keeping our sexual experiences at a level far beyond any of those advertised on television or in the movies.”

For those blessed enough by what God intended sex to be, read the Song of Solomon and see if any of the imagery rings true.  It is true that sex is only one aspect of marriage and in becoming “one flesh”.  When celebrated as a gift from God, there is nothing better.  If one partner values the importance of this more than the other, your feeling of oneness will be threatened.

“We are not to share this same experience with anyone else….But we are weak.  And when this legitimate need goes unmet—when it’s treated as being selfish and demanding by the other—our hearts are subject to being drawn away from marriage, tempted to fulfill this longing somewhere else, some other way.”

“To counteract this tendency, God established marriage with an “oneflesh” mentality, “The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does; likewise also the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does” (1Corinthians 7:4).

We have probably all heard stories of how some people use sex as a bargaining tool, or as a special occasion event.  This is not the way God intends for us to use sex.  We cannot withhold sex without consequences.  “So stop depriving one another, except by agreement for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer, and come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self- control” (1 Corinthians 7:5).

There are people who evidently just aren’t interested in sex.  I know of one person like this and it has caused a rift in their marriage. It is good to be honorable and show proper boundaries before getting married, by not pressing the sex issue.  However once married and attempting to have a Christian marriage, there are the requirements of fulfilling one another’s sexual needs.  For the woman in this case, depending on one’s outlook, her job is easy.  But she still has needs unmet, and this man from what I have observed does want to please his wife, maybe not sexually, but that really doesn’t matter.  I would highly recommend that he ask his wife how he may please her.  If there is a problem with erectile dysfunction, that really doesn’t mean that he cannot engage in holding and affirming his wife and even bring her to “fulfillment”.  This would probably please the man, because his wife would be pleased.  There should not be shame with men talking to men about issues such as these; Bob Dole was on National TV talking about erectile dysfunction.

“Love is the only way to reestablish loving union between each other.  All things the Love Dare entails—patience, kindness, selflessness, thoughtfulness, protection, honor, forgiveness—-will play a role in renewing your sexual intimacy.  When the love of Christ is the foundation of your marriage, the strength of your friendship and sexual relationship can be enjoyed at a level this world can never know”.

“Glorify God in your body” (1 Corinthians 6:20).

All quotes from “The Love Dare” except where noted.