Sixteen years ago yesterday, May 30, 2014, my now ex-wife and I were married. In the terminology of a group I have been involved; my ex-wife is not to be called “ex” but my wife. This group calls themselves “Standers” and the spouse who leaves the relationship, the “Prodigal Spouse”. One ministry in particular that I have been following is “Rejoice Marriage Ministries” of Pompano, Florida. If you want to know the backstory of the founders, this ministry can be found on Facebook and online.

I have not submitted a new entry to this blog for quite some time but check on the views that are shown, I do this less these days. Recently a woman made several wonderful comments after reading some of my posts. Many people find my blog by searching for questions about divorce and “Joseph Prince”. I do not represent Joseph Prince and extrapolated his teachings on grace and forgiveness to the divorce situation. I have no idea if he supports my conclusions, I’m not sure I do any longer.

I began my last round of seeking marriage enrichment, restitution over 4 years ago. I began working through the “Love Dare” book and found it to be very good. The main relationship the Love Dare addresses is our relationship with Jesus. In retrospect when I was working through this book while still living with my spouse, I believe it heightened the spiritual warfare that is common in marriage difficulties and in the life of a Christian. Major life altering events were taking place, adding to the marital strife and stress. My wife lost her job, the house we were renting with an option to buy was being foreclosed due to the fact that the people we were paying were not paying the bank. I also believe my wife was beginning to “backslide” and engaging in behaviors that were difficult for me to handle. If you have read any of my previous entries you will know I have taken full responsibility for my share in our problems and on further reflection, responsibility for parts that had nothing to do with me.

I went through the Love Dare prayerfully and honestly at least 3 times. I started studying Dr. Gary Chapman’s ‘The 5 Love Languages’ and read through the Bible with his devotional for a full year. I studied The Word and read the entire Book more than once during this time. I have gained insight that I would have been well served having had it previous to the marriage difficulties. I believe that I had to be ready to receive this teaching and my heart was not receptive to any of it before now.

I know my shortcomings and character defects and my defects of mind and brain chemistry. What I did not consider is the personality disorder that I have learned about and believe my wife enjoys, I would say suffer but to suffer one has to see it as a problem and this disorder does not allow those who have it know they have it, or believe they are suffering due to anything on their part! The disorder is called Narcisstic Personality Disorder. Studying the characteristics of the people who have this disorder shed much light on what occurred in our relationship. I still believe that with God’s help, no problem is too difficult or unable to be made whole.

It is coming up on 3 years since my wife’s divorce was finalized. Through much pleading, begging, 100’s of hours of professional counselling and conversations with pastors, 1000’s of prayers from me and countless prayers of others’, I have come to the solid conclusion that this marriage will never be reconciled. What’s more, I do not wish to have it reconciled any longer, and there has been too much damage and no, absolutely no personal responsibility taken on the part of my ex-wife. So on the day of our would be anniversary I declared and declare, I am no longer “standing” for the reconciliation of this marriage.

 

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